Kai is a ghost. A character in a fantasy novel 'El Valle de Los Lobos' by Laura Gallego. He is a boy invisible to the world. Invisible, he was planted in my head and became a fantasy.

I struggle with invisibility. I tiptoe, hide, dress up, careful not to disrupt, not to be an inconvenience. The more careful I am the more other I feel.

I feel made other by them. Them being faceless, abstract, intangible. A big claim. As if shifting the eyes, the responsibility, elsewhere. Still, I know that not to be true.

I am made other.

I am struggling to stay invisible. I am struggling to differentiate what is fantasy, who are ghosts.

I don't want to ask for permission. I want to reject, to occupy, to die, crawl, a parasite. I am a parasite srrounded by a softer space, blurry, fuzzy, fluid. A softer space which I am taking without permission. That's why I am not here today. I am occupying a space, and it's not up for discussion. I am not up for discussion. It's not a pretty space, not an easy space, not productive, not at all. It is difficult, and I am in it. I am it, I am them.

-Kai

Kai, 2021, a letter and a poster