with_my_mouth

With my mouth, 2019, Video-installation, 1 minute, 32 seconds

Trigger warning: SA

'With my mouth', is one of the works I presented during the finals exhibition after graduating in November 2020. The process of making this work stretched through a few years, and then suddenly it was done. 3 years before a man stood silently behind me and kissed me. From that moment until now, I analyzed that event, isolated it, wrote about it, scripted it, recreated it, and filmed it. Looking back at this one clip a few years after performing it, I saw that it captured the essence of what I was searching for. This short clip together with the text:

It is subtle, dreamy, some have told me even romantic, until I see his hands on my shoulders and my face. Some don't feel anything while seeing this clip, it does nothing to them. I made it for those who do feel uncomfortable, unsettled, unsafe.

About triggers:

I haven't thought about triggers or trigger warnings until after the graduation show, where this work was presented. During my years at the academy, it was all about me and my process, about finding my identity as an artist, building an artistic practice. Now I made the work and I have a responsibility towards the viewers. I feel triggered when I see my work. I felt anxious when I performed the script. I have had several conversations about this the weeks following the show, and I have concluded that including trigger warnings is part of taking myself, and others who share my experience, seriously, and taking care of each other.

I made this work, performed it, because I have questions and no answers. I wonder what his perspective is, if this interaction could - in any context - not make me shiver. I also still wonder how I can be seen as passive when my apathy, shock, and silence are so loud.